April 1, 2005, two more days left in the last week of my paying job. I was as big as a house and my predicted due date had came and went (March 25), so I was sure I would pop any minute even though I wasn't due for another 8 days (April 9). I was so eager to be a mom, but I was also so scared. Weeks ago I had put the bouncer, swing, and pack-in-play together (I didn't really need the pack-in-play, but you know nesting), and I stared longingly at her crib with the fresh sheets and carefully picked out bedding in the corner of our bedroom every night barely able to wait until my perfect, sweet girl would be inside. I also thought longingly about sleeping once again on my stomach and seeing my feet and finally having my body back. Oh sweet naive Heather, I just want to hug her, because she had no clue. Cam and I had been married for almost 5 years by then and we had weathered some ups and downs, but the next two years made the past both pale and glow in comparison. I had no idea that in less than two weeks (April 11) my world would change forever and nothing would ever be the same. The day I came home from the hospital with Hailey (my 27th birthday, April 13) I found out that my husband's company was finally going to send us to Charleston, WV where I grew up and had been longing to return to for the past 3 years we had spent in Pike-Hell (ville), Ky. However, we had only one month to find a house and move, so the sleepless first couple months of parenthood are still a blur to me. We ended up buying my mom's house because she gave us a great deal, and it had basically what we needed. I was sure that everything else would fall into place, even if I didn't get the house of my dreams, after all our daughter was sleeping through the night and she was only 2 months old. Hailey will continue being the perfect baby, we will sell this house for a profit next year and buy a nicer house once we have saved up some money.
April 1, 2006, I am three months pregnant and I am consumed with planning my daughter's first birthday party. The birthday party was part of the plan, but being 3 months pregnant certainly was not. By now I have gotten used to the idea, and the tears of terror are left in March when I found out. I know that the plan is still going to work and my perfect family is just going to be plus one. I am a pro, you see, I have been a mom for a year, so I know everything. I have sleep trained my daughter (that sleeping through the night at 2 months only worked for about 2 months), and I have watched her learn to roll over, sit up, and walk (at 8 1/2 months, but I survived.) I have kissed her first boo-boos, and heard her first word, so I am pretty sure that I can do it all over again and am actually getting excited. I had no clue that in 2 days my daughter would fall down the basement stairs and get a monster boo-boo that would scare the living crap out of me, and that in less than two weeks (April 12) my husband would reach his limit with Bob Evan after 10 years and quit his job on the spot. Have I mentioned that I have not had a paying job in a year? This was not part of the plan, and I was blindsided, but as I said before, I had been a mom for a year, and I had learned in that year to roll with the punches, so I regrouped, supported my hubby and made a new plan. Cam would get a better job, my new baby will be easier than Hailey, and we will wait to buy that new nicer house for awhile and just be glad our house payment is still manageable. It will all still be fine, right?
That brings us back to today, April 1, 2007, and my hubby has a new job that may take me far away this year, and I have a new son that may just roll over any day. The new house is still on hold, Max has colic (GER), and Cam's job pays less than his last one, but he is much happier. I still recognize that bright eyed, hopeful Heather from April 2005, and I still like to make a plan, but I am wise enough to know that plans change and sometimes they get scrapped altogether. However, the result is a new more beautiful and unseen plan that is like nothing you could have imagined and will challenge you so much it will make the old plan look like practice. I am scared about moving away from my mom and my friends, but I am also excited about where I will be on April 1, 2008, and who I will be after the next year that Hailey and Max have in store for me. My new plan is to watch, wait, and absorb the gifts that the universe has for me and to learn to appreciate. It is a simple one, and I just hope I can follow through :)
3 comments:
The tears and anxiety of having an unplanned second pregnancy soon after giving birth - I have definitely been there! It's amazing how we think so differently before having children, and how we try to plan things as much as we can, but once those baies come, you just have to roll with the punches and try to look at life as a glass half full. I know this is easier said than done, but I love how you said to "absorb the gifts that the universe has for you and learn to appreciate it". Great post!!!
WOW! Great post! Thanks for sharing!! I too am excited to hear what this year has in store for you!! Amazing how many changes we go through!! They both look so cute together. Sibling love.
This is really a great post! How well written!! I am absolutely certain that, regardless of what happens in your life the next year, you will come through it with flying colors. I am also a planner, as you know, so I totally respect your willingness to flow with the changes. You're awesome!
Unrelated, could you email me some b-day ideas for Hailey? THANKS!!
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